There are several activities which as a Dominant you may find useful to proscribe to your submissives or prospectives-in-training. These are centred on giving your treasured possession the tools and correct habits to maintain themselves and the relationship they have with you.
Journaling is a very common one, and with good reason. It creates a valuable resource that a sub can look back on to measure progress, and many submissives who struggle to emote verbally can often write fluently. As their Dominant this gives deep insight into the internal processes which can be difficult to observe visibly.
I strongly recommend a period of daily journaling (and reinforcement with reward) for 2 weeks with the beginning of a submissives training, and then encouragement to write down any emotionally significant events (good or bad) at any point thereafter. Entries should be dated, and can consist of full descriptions, emotions and responses to event's or simply dot points to jog the memory. Always encourage the sub to be completely honest and open with their writing. With time and review, the submissive will come to see the changes in themselves and their life that being yours has wrought, and will be grateful.
Morning and Evening Rituals are simple and effective ways to open and close out a day. Don't be put off by the name - you already have a ritual for how you wake up and go to bed - simply think about incorporating healthy, submissive practices into your subs waking and sleeping rituals. The moments immediately after waking and before sleep are times when her mind is open to new ideas and the subconscious is closer to the surface. Fill her mind with good, healthy thoughts and information, and she will dwell on it during the night.
Awareness comes before change, so have your submissive record what they do immediately upon waking and right before they sleep for a few days, and notice any patterns. Is she staying up too late, not sleeping well, distracted by the internet and social media, or filling her mind with unhelpful garbage that doesn't serve you?
Correct these issues, then pick and choose several of the following to incorporate into your existing Ritual:
- A moment of awareness of the bond you share together -- eye gazing is particularly good for this. Simply stare into each other's eyes for a full two minutes, and notice how you feel as you open up to her, and she to you. Tell her to "find herself in your gaze."
- An expression of Gratitude to the Deity you believe in, or to the Universe as a whole for the wonderful and never-ending Creation that surrounds us.
- Touch and Connection -- twining your fingers through hers, letting her be the little spoon, pulling her in and resting her head on your strong chest and telling her to listen to your heartbeat -- all these melt a submissive.
- Body Worship -- Have your submissive kneel before you, and kiss your feet worshipfully while thanking you for the privilege of serving you.
- Reading -- Have her read a section from a book on submission or a passage of erotica she finds arousing. Do not have her read in bed, the bed is for fucking and for sleeping, anything else confuses the mind and disturbs sleep.
- A maintenance spanking -- should be done lightly, but to tears. I prefer to close out a day with this, and to make very clear that it's not a punishment but simply and opportunity for a sub to express any pent up emotions and release them in a healthy way. Reports are that a girls sleeps particularly well if a maintenance spanking is the closing point of her day.
- Cock Worship -- starting every day with your submissive worshipping you is an excellent idea. Like Journaling I advocate a period of consistent training in this every day for two weeks, with rewards, then afterwards as you desire. It sets the frame for the day, puts her in a submissive head-space and focuses her attention on her service to you. Use it as an opportunity to enjoy her, and reward liberally with verbal praise and your affections.
Daily Hypnotic Reinforcement is one I strongly recommend. This can be as simple as downloading one of the simple inductions provided on this website, then reading it into a microphone followed by a list of suggestions, reminders or Rules to your sub. You don't have to be a Master Hypnotist and climb to the top of the sacred mountain to read the word of affirmation into your microphone. Keep them simple and frame them in the positive -- don't say "every day you are becoming less **fat" say instead "every day you are growing **more deeply in your submission and happiness, and it pleases me to watch you blossom into the incredible women I have always seen". Something like "serving your Master makes you happy", or "you are a beautiful submissive and your gift is treasured" works well. Take the time to simply say to her all the things you as a Dominant would like her to know about herself, and then have her open her eyes and feel fantastic, safe and happy. The world can bring a submissive down, use this to build her up.
Bonus Points: Ask your submissive "what are the things it is important to hear from me regularly?" and incorporate some of those answers.
Post-Scene Writeups are similar to Journaling, but they are focused around a single scene, and give the submissive an opportunity to really check back in with how they felt during the experience, but after the dust has settled and intense emotions have cooled. I typically assign these after singular training sessions as a way of gathering feedback (you should always have a feedback process) about how the submissive enjoyed the scene, what I should reward myself for doing (yes, as a Dominant you should be training yourself), and how to improve next time.
They most commonly highlight the differences in perception between Dom and sub, you may be thinking that scene was fairly light and fluffy, but you discover that your submissive is still reeling from it emotionally (in a good way) days afterwards, or that they tapped into a part of themselves they'd never felt before and they want you to know how amazing you are, and how good they feel. Consider making up a checklist of questions for her to complete in her Journal post scene.
Weekly Check-ins are an opportunity for the submissive to voice their concerns about any issues that may have come up during the week (jealousy over a new girl you've been playing with, excitement over planned outings, anticipation of a session you've been planning). It's a simple, short formalised conversation where the submissive is free to speak to their Dominant as an equal and voice their concerns without fear of displeasure or punishment. Dominants should also take this time to share with their submissives any concerns they have and the sub should remain open and accepting of the Dominants correction.
I would strongly advise against doing these nightly, right before bed as others would advise. It might be practical and I agree that dealing with problems swiftly and cleanly is important, but having them as the last thing you and your submissive discuss right before she falls asleep frames the entire preceding day in the negative, and can create resentment and cause the anticipation of failure in the Dominant. Instead, use the period right before sleeping to condition you submissive with the Ritual you have developed for her.
For your conversation, pick a day and a time, and stick to it. I suggest Saturday mornings, a short conversation just before you share a breakfast together. Use this to resolve any issues cleanly and neatly, and record in writing your judgements or update the Rules that govern your relationship so that you are both on the same page.
Teaching your submissive correct self-care is a matter of necessity, but it shouldn't be overcomplicated. Start with some simple and effective behaviours and once she has displayed her competency at those, move progressively to more advanced ones. Very quickly you will be able to identify any weak spots that need work, and to establish habits which will support her in her continually deepening submission to your will, and her happiness at the end of your leash.
For any further information on these subjects, feel free to send me an email using the Contact Form on this site with any questions, alterations or suggestions.
- How does the self-care you instruct your submissive to complete integrate into the goals that have been set for their training?
- Which one of these habits will you teach your submissive first, and why? What will be the likely changes you will see in her, and how quickly do you think they will manifest themselves?
- Are there any other behaviours that you can think of that would work for you and your relationship?
- The Training Process
- How I would Train a Slavegirl if I were a Master
- A Guide to Self Care for Submissives
- Corsetry Resources and Links
- Designing Better Reinforcers
- Why Hypnosis and Sex Work So Well Together
- Sex Toy Recommendations and Suppliers
- Submissive Training Assessment Tools
- Rough Guidelines on Setting Rules
- Willpower and Habituation